Just looking for Billie-Jo. Please respond if you can. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.
Love and light to you x
There is something comforting to me when I write. My pen comes in contact with the paper and something in my brain switches over. There is that sound of the pen making that scratching noise that I miss if I don’t write daily. Then there is the smell of the ink. I don’t think I have the words to describe to you the way that ink smells, but I bet you can smell it now that you are trying to recall it. The smell of ink reminds me of Grade 3 in Mrs. Cunningham’s class, where I was determined to have a good writing day so that I could get my pen licence. I was sick of the pencil. I still hate pencil today. As Mrs. Cunningham was making her rounds and looking at everyone’s work, I knew that it was the day – Sure enough, she said I could go to the cupboard and get myself a pen. I was grinning all the way I was so happy. I still remember, opening that huge floor to ceiling cupboard that contained all the stationery in perfect order. She had the box of blue pens on the shelf that we could reach and I pulled out a shiny new pen and I held it in my hand. If I knew anything about ‘The Lord of the Rings’ at that age, I would have whispered a ‘my precious’, because that’s how it felt. It was a Bic pen. One of those yellow body ones with the blue tip and cap. I felt so happy for the rest of the day. I felt grown up. The smell of the ink stayed in my nostrils even at bed time. It’s probably why I still have a love for blue ink… In any case, I haven’t stopped writing since and my handwriting got neater and neater. People always comment about my handwriting and how surprised they are at how neat it is considering I am left handed.
Any opportunity to put pen to paper has always had a calming effect on me. My love for analogue journaling and writing will never fade. Some people bake or cook a roast to ground them – ME? It’s the smell of ink and the pen scratching against the paper.
It’s funny the little things that you can recall.
Have a happy Easter Bloggers
Nothing happened today
And everything happened too
These days have become habitual
Feet falling to the ground
standing in a comatose-like zen posture,
People mistake it for winking
Hard to shake some habits
I live in the ‘why bother’ age
where living defines you
Anger – Anger – Anger
“God I wish I was more like you”
Maybe if I lay down and
rest my head on your lap
I can close my eyes and
hear you describe the world
Maybe you can convince me
The world is a beautiful place
So far in my life, there has been a lot of writing that goes nowhere and I have no idea if more exists. Is it new? Or is it just regurgitation? Words come out and all I can do is put them in the order I see them. All these words are stream of consciousness which is the only way I can write. Editing them is not an option as my thoughts are these words that you see here, straight out of my head. By editing them, they cease to be what I want them to be and instead they become words that are well thought out and I find that to be inauthentic.
So I leave these words here to remind me that I think. I offer you no explanation or apology in my presentation, as I am a woman of this world with independent thought, and like you, have the right to be here.
I am independent thought
I seek enlightenment and want nothing of your trinkets
or your stupidity
Speak to me of mind, body and soul
all of which hold the key
The key that opens something that everyone wants
What do you want?
I wear my red shoes when I paint or write. Right now, in my bare feet, I am wondering about this blog & my attachment to it even though my posts aren’t as regular as they once were. Then I remembered…. I’ve changed. As this is a personal blog, it will change as I change and for that, I offer no apology. The reluctance hasn’t been to blog or not to blog, but has been about ‘I can’t blog that because that’s not what my blog is about’.
Who made that rule?
So, beware of the change. I am losing the confidence to describe to you, my world and my feelings. The difficulty lies in reaching to the sky to find the words that match my experiences. This won’t last forever and you’ll forgive me as I slur my way through this change, because you’re of the beautiful people.
Happy Friday Bloggers
She plucked a wide-open rose
before she could catch its scent.
Death was the effect
by the hand that fed it.
© Susan Yammouni
So…. I’m that person who whines about e-readers, shouting ‘it’s not the same as a book’ & ‘I like the smell of books’ (I do like the smell of books), & for years I’ve watched Kindle users on trains, in my shop waiting for their colour to process, & secretly thought they were nuts. I would walk into shops to look at Kindle devices, never impressed & always thinking there is something missing.
A friend who uses Kindle, only because her husband will divorce her if she buys anymore books to bring into their tiny apartment, would complain about the glare on the screen, yadda, yadda, yadda. I would lend her tangible books here & there to sate her hunger for reading printed paper.
Me? I started reading iBooks on my iPad, using a “Bookseat” to hold it up because it gets heavy in my hands. The downfall here is I don’t take my iPad outside my house. It’s too precious, I freaking love my iPad, I want to marry it. What do I do? I have overstuffed bookshelves & very little room to buy more shelves. Plus reading on iBooks, while it has improved, still has a glare & my eyes hurt after a while.
Last night, I walked into Dick Smith to look at some headphones, & while I was perusing the aisles, I saw the Kindle stand. HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THE KINDLE PAPERWHITE?????? Oh my Buddha, I fell in love.
This little beauty has a glare-free screen that has a non-reflective surface. It’s so easy to read in any light, unlike the glossy tablets. It’s front-lit design helps reading without strain, as back-lit types project at your eyes causing strain (my abhorrence).
It’s thin & weighs next to nothing & the battery can last up to 8 weeks with wifi off on a single charge. HELLO????
I bought the 3G WiFi one which has no fees, Amazon pay the bill, which means I can download a book from anywhere (we’re talking globally), anytime, no problem. To test this out, I downloaded one of the many free books Kindle offer while on the train to the city & it worked no problem. Can we feel the love yet?
I waited. I waited & waited, hoping Kindle would get it right & finally they did. Check out these images taken on the iPad (so not the best camera)
I’m in love. The Paperwhite is just like reading a paper book. I never thought in a million years I would rave about a Kindle, but there you have it folks. It’s love that I’m feeling.
Go get one.
I went to Fiji for a week. A last minute decision, I needed to get away and do something different from the daily crap I’ve been going through and to just get away. I went with my cousin Annette, who if it wasn’t for her, I would not have gone. She really saved me. I was going stir crazy at home. We stayed on a beautiful island called Sonaisali that I can only recommend if you’re interested in beauty and relaxation.
I can’t tell you what a wonderful place Fiji can be. The Fijian people are so beautiful and so welcoming and it’s so hard not to fall in their pace of ‘hey relax, take it slow’.
As a person living in a western country, I thought it would be hard to not care about time or that I ordered my Mai Tai 30 minutes ago, but I did it with ease (except when I didn’t, usually involving coffee).
Above was the view from the lounge chairs just offside the main dining room and bar. I could sit there forever looking at this view and by day it looks like any kind of Island photo, but the absolute beauty of Sonaisali Island is dusk. As the sun goes down, it puts a perfect glow over everything before the dark blanket covers the wonderous hues that take your breath away.
Okay, so my iPhone 4 is a bloody shit camera, but it’s all I had. I don’t own a point and shoot camera because frankly, I’d rather use a disposable camera that waste money on something that flattens every shot I take. If I can’t own a DSLR yet, my phone will have to do.
The view above was taken from the balcony of my room. If I timed it right, and often I did, I would see this every night and meditate on its beauty.
This is MY daybed hut. I called it mine because I wanted to take it home with me, but it wouldn’t fit in my luggage. The sliding door you see behind it was where I slept. So if proximity says anything about ownership, it’s mine. I got very annoyed if anyone else used it, I became very possessive about it.
You’ll have to excuse the blur around the edges. Every time I lost concentration on what I was doing, I kept hitting this stupid editing button that’s on the iPhone. Instead of leaving well enough alone hitting it once, I kept hitting it hoping it would revert back to normal eventually, but all it kept doing was blurring it even more. Stupid technology. Maybe squint your eyes to make it unblur (I know, not a word), I don’t know, in any case I apologise.
This is the beautiful Lily Pond outside the main entrance of the resort. Very beautiful no? All the plants and flowers were beautiful. A huge hibiscus tree outside my room was stunning and made me sad that I can’t grow anything at home. I definitely do not have a green thumb. I love beautiful gardens and appreciate the hard work that goes in them, but I can’t be trusted around anything that is green and living. There was a whole team of gardeners working every day making this island paradise. If I had that at home, I’d have a beautiful garden too.
This is the same view from the lounge chairs near the dining room, but on a different night. See how the colours differ from the first photo? It really is an amazing place, that throws a myriad of hues all over the place, everyday different, everyday something to marvel at.
Fiji is a great idea if you want an Island holiday. Don’t expect any great food and fruit because resort food isn’t the best. I do have one suggestion and that is, if you’re on a budget, maybe stop on the way from the airport to the island at a supermarket and stock up on water, snacks and some fruit to keep in your bar fridge. I saw wonderful fruit there that looked a lot better than what was available at the resort.
The resorts are three times more expensive than the mainland. Food prices for dinning are okay, but it can be a bit hit and miss in it’s consistency. The fruit wasn’t that great. I guess I expected big mounds of fruit lying around, tasting delicious, but all we had was a bit of pineapple, a bit of watermelon, some orange segments and the rest looked like canned fruit swimming in bowls of syrup. I was a bit disappointed in that.
You won’t starve, but for a foodie like me, it can be a bit of a let down.
A great thing that happened to me was that I got the ‘sit and read’ vibe back again. It had been months since I could do that, with everything that was going on in my life and in my head, I couldn’t sit for more than 10 minutes without getting up and pacing. This is not good for a Literary Major currently enrolled in University. I needed to get back into reading and absorbing what I was reading.
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (Audible)
The Daylight Gate by Jeanette Winterson (paperback)
More than half way through Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter Thompson (Audible)
Half way through On the Road by Jack Kerouac (paperback)
…. only didn’t get through:
The Rum Diary by Hunter Thompson
The Maltese Falcon
The last two were going to be re-reads anyway, so who cares. Not bad for 6 days and a lot of time sleeping.
So, go to Fiji, if you must and make sure you take me along with you. If only because I’m a good person who would love to go again and again and well, now I’m such an old hand about the place.
Have a happy day Bloggers.
So I was going to write this whole spiel, actually I did but then I deleted it all, about what’s been going on with me and why I haven’t been around. Yeah well, nobody wants to hear it in depth, so I’ll keep it short.
My Mum died in March, which pretty much tore my life apart. She was an amazing force in my life, just like your Mum is to you….. and she was my best friend. I miss her like crazy.
In short, I’m not doing too well. I thought I was okay. The first month I just put one foot in front of the other, but the last 2 weeks have been hell. It seems the grief has hit me later than I thought. So I’ve been writing like crazy since she died, nothing I can publish here, but it has been helping.
Anyone got any tips on how to get through all this? I’ve now lost both my parents and seeing as I was Mums full time carer, I’m feeling rather redundant and having trouble remembering to shampoo my hair let alone pay the gas bill.
What am I going to do with my life now that I am no longer a full time carer?
They didn’t warn me about that.
I miss my Mum very much and my heart is really hurting over this.