So I’m sitting at my desk (of sorts, it’s the kitchen table today) studying how Michael Cunningham’s The Hours is both ‘new’ and ‘rescued’ and having a little difficulty in how I’m going to tackle the 1,500 word essay so I get a High Distinction.
What better way than to walk away from it for a moment and just purge some thoughts via blogging.
There’s a pot of soup bubbling away on the stove-top, vegetables dancing around the bubbles, thinking about what they’re about to become. The aroma fills the house and gives it a beautiful warm feeling. There are strong winds howling outside and occasionally I’ll hear something crash and scrape across the back patio, losing its battle with the wind. Instead of thinking about Clarissa Dalloway and Clarissa Vaughn, I think of Aesop and the tale of the Sun and the Wind. I sometimes wonder, how my busy brain can ever comprehend one thing long enough to actually write a paper about it. Maybe I’m not made to be at University. Maybe I’m just supposed to let my brain whirl around, like one of those spinning rides at amusement parks. Like Clarissa Dalloway and Clarissa Vaughn, maybe my life is meaningless and offers nothing to the world. Here I am, blogging on the world wide web, not making a dent and not inspiring anyone. What’s the point of blogging? What’s the point of anything? What’s the point of University? Something to do? Who knows!
It’s not like I’m going to stop though. I’m not going to University for anyone else and I don’t blog for others, I blog for me. Because I can and because it’s there. It’s not for validation. Validation is a waste of time and energy. People’s opinions of myself are none of my business, I’m just sitting here finding new and interesting ways to procrastinate, a habit I am not proud of but would like to have it permanently unclear what that signifies. I’m kind of easy to work out when you get to know me, but then I’ll throw you a sixer and turn it around and run…. leaving you with your mouth gaped open (What happened?).
Meanwhile, I’m still not getting anywhere with my paper, so I’ll just keep doing some research until something pops out at me. Surely if you look hard enough, something will always appear.
I think I’ll buy the flowers myself