I wish I had a memory jar
Sometimes, there will be moments in our lives where the past will come back and remind you of some of the stupid mistakes that were made. Are they mistakes? Or are they just stupid? Fine line.
The past must stay in the past and that is all there is to it, there is no point in dwelling on things that hurt so much. Sometimes we torture ourselves over things that can give us many ‘ugh’ moments and I wonder what that thought process is for exactly. We should be able to remove it and put it in a jar somewhere, hidden away to stop us remembering.
Those that forget the past, are condemned to repeat it
There are things I need to get out of my mind, or it will send me to the nut house. The reason for this is because I will never know the scenario for what it may have been. I only know what it actually is and there is no changing that now. However, that stupid part in my brain always does the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘if only’s’ dance, over and over again and I need to find the strength to let it go and move on. The past is a deep and complicated place and it’s like quicksand. It will quickly engulf you and you’ll become lost forever.
All I can say is we need to live with our choices and take responsibility for them. I am willing to do that, I’m never one for blaming others for my crappy choices, but it will take time and probably a few tears.
To look into someone’s face and instantly know that if you could, you would build a life with that face. After so many years, so many other memories that have drowned it deep down and away from everything you thought you believed, it all resurfaces like THAT! In a flash! A nano-second! You’re shocked to discover the realisation that this is where you were supposed to be the whole time. It’s not pleasant, it actually kills you a little, but it does answer so many questions that have been pending since my early 20s.
How funny life is…… and very, very cruel.